/ 1:06:00 AM

BREAKING MY SILENCE



it's been a little over a month since i formally stepped out of the office and crossed over to other side: on to the overpopulated state of unemployment.



i remember twas a month after graduation when i jumped on the proverbial ship, feeling pretty much like a student on an internship and definitely looking more like a high school reject wandering around her friend's mom's office. heh. and since my work exposure has been mostly limited to my pseudoclinical training and my folks' paramedical/service-oriented line of work, my decision to go industrial was certainly a foray into an unchartered territory. but no matter. it was the first company i've ever been interviewed for and a multinational company, no less. never mind if it's a temp position, it's the way of the (corporate) world nowadays anyway. i was thinking.. it was my 1st job and, hey, i was positively thrilled at the prospect of gaining actual work experience. but more than that, i was determined to make it work (greenhorn that i was).



for a while there, my lifestyle underwent some alterations. i'm not talking about a 360 degree turnaround, just somewhere between 90 and 180 perhaps? (",) well, first, i'm not really what you would call a "morning person." i've no problem with all-nighters (or early dawn-ers), just don't let me wake up at an ungodly hour. it just reeked freakishly of pre-college days. then it was the cold. the temperature was just unbelievably freezing in my area. there were times that my teeth would really chatter and i could feel the cold seeping through my bones. no joke. you know, i love the color purple, but certainly not when it's my lips and my fingers we're talking about. *brrr* i had the sniffles (on and off) for about 2 months, i think. needless to say, while i have high tolerance for heat, i had second to none when it comes to chilly atmosphere (thank god for turtlenecks and trips to the restroom to warm my hands c/o the dryer). and who would've thought that i'd forget about teevee shows? me, da couch potato?! hehe, but it was true. by the time i get home (whether straight from the office or from somewhere else), i was usually so pooped that, after dinner, i'd fall asleep way before my usual dozing time. nonetheless, it was a good kind of stress. less than a month and i fell right into the pattern without even noticing it. those were the good times.



let's skip right over the juicy stuff and fast forward to 8 months later.



do i miss it? hmmm. a month ago, i would've merely shrugged in response. it was too soon to know what i would eventually miss. then came the "withdrawal symptoms." days after, to my annoyance, i still kept waking up @ 5:30. dime the body clock. there were times when i had the urge to call, just to say hi or ask how things are doing. but i couldn't bring myself to do it. heck, "bad break-up" just sprang to my mind. lolx.



when i've had all the sleep i've been meaning to catch up on, i started feeling antsy, and it was like my body craved the activity. i usually have high stress levels (even as far back as my memory can take me) so this sudden drop in "pressure" was a bit of a shock to my system. whereas i had almost no "me time" before, now there was so much time in my hands that i didn't know exactly what to do with it. i miss the clockwork routine, after all.



more than that, i miss doing "something," being part (albeit a small one) of an organization much larger than that of the microcosm i move around in. knowing that the ripples you make won't just be a stone's throw away.



and then there's those other things.



like the banter. the "good mornings" and the "buhbyes." the uber archaic bundy clock (na parating advanced yung time compared dun sa clock ng guardhaus). the endless "toot-ing" of the proximity card.



reaching for the phone and saying "HR, good morning." knowing who was walking by just by the sound of their footfall or seeing the top of their heads. seeing your favorite food on the menu (crabmeat! veggie tempura!). having the canteen people know if you're a half-rice person or not (even if they don't really know your name). curbing the urge to strangle your printer when it's not in a "cooperative" mood. getting stressed out but still being able to laugh at your own booboos. recognizing which ringtone belongs to whom.



when merienda time with the gurls isn't just about having your fill of late afternoon nourishment. when it dawns on you that your fingers know which extension number to dial even before your mind gets to process the info. when you've come to know the quirks of the ppl you directly work with (isipin ko pa if i'm gonna make a separate entry about this.. hehehe *wicked grin*). when you realize that you miss seeing the people who became a part of your life for the most part of your waking hours - which is nine hours a day, five times a week - for eight months.



oh and yeah, even seeing my perpetually misspelled name on inter-office emails. ^,^



c'est la vie



people come and go into our lives. i know that in time, there'll be other faces to see, more names to remember, and more memories to store. it's rather sad when you think about it but it seems like even people have become as replaceable as your day-to-day commodities. even memories aren't sacred anymore. they corrupt over time, eventually disintegrating into fragments, before eventually vaporizing into thin air. i guess i just wanted to hold on to these memories a little longer, while i still can. so that apart from the hassles, i would know that I did have those fond moments I could smile about.



in a year or two, i probably wouldn't be able to recapture these moments with such clarity anymore. even now, the time interval feels much longer than what has actually come to pass. eventually, it will be like one of those moments... when you can't remember the name of your best bud back in pre-school... or the name of that teacher who terrorized you in elementary... or the bedimpled cutie you and your high school friends practically "stalked"... or the lyrics of that rap song you oh-so-painstakingly memorized just a year ago. yeah, time does that. and more.

PROFILE: I am blah from class here and is born on 00/00/00, time. and so love me like this. I was so cute, I am totally an element that you'd never ever known, you can;t find it in the periodic table cause no one has even found it- I explode in your face just like potassium when it touches water, it's really explosive, you should really run away first before I do spark into flames and burn you alive! I love blasting my music as well, when love sync (elissa) let me hear Cry-Rihanna, i have been like addicted to it like drugs- oh wait. it's worse than drugs, it's better, more addictive than drugs. listen to that song! and this is one of my last blogskin that i will produce until the EOYs of 2008, cause i flunked Biology, ARGHS! OMG I SURE DIE LIKE !@#$% and i am emo now like under ltos of peer pressure and bad seniors.



having been in hwa chong institution (just like make it long so you can preview a long post or wad that fits right down underneath which i think i shall crap all day today) my eyes have been wanting to close since 20:00 (8PM)), I was so tired, cause the syllabus in hwachong is really so hard that no one can sleep really well. The new CSE classes (aka. Centre for Scholaristic Excellence) and is also known for it's famous nickname Cannot Sleep Everyday or Early. Is like even the teachers know, so the homework is reduced, but it's like OMG! will die, this year already so hard, next year i say "die!" mati already lar. arghs!NEXT, A RIOT OF COLORS, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME. AND I KNOW THAT I BRUISE EASILY. LEAP OF FATE LIKE i never know and i'm learning to fly and a safety net to cushion the blow. and i feel so suicidal and note "I BRUISE EASILY" and be gentle when you handle me.




hello once again, i have been having nightmares,no one is doing work for my project , whcih is true. supposed to do "family planning" is like whatever lar, when will we be able to use it not like very soon we are gonna have kids, settle down, earn money have NSman relief or whatsoever or even Children Relief, is like wtf. I am eating CIGAR ROLLS, they are vilina flavoured and jsut finished my bowl of ice cream which tasted so mixed, haha btu it was ncie to me (: I like mix of flavours liek suddenly a RIOT of colors and A EXPLOSION of taste! I mean like it's really impactful come to think about it, and cause my project has to be handed in by friday so i shall rush typign finish this retarded paragraph. like hello! ello! buhello! darkdegree will go on HIATUS soon. and i am so emo, i feel like slashing my wrist now, it's true adn don't look down on me for that i know people discriminate.

see you there at hiatus land.

/ 1:06:00 AM

BREAKING MY SILENCE



it's been a little over a month since i formally stepped out of the office and crossed over to other side: on to the overpopulated state of unemployment.



i remember twas a month after graduation when i jumped on the proverbial ship, feeling pretty much like a student on an internship and definitely looking more like a high school reject wandering around her friend's mom's office. heh. and since my work exposure has been mostly limited to my pseudoclinical training and my folks' paramedical/service-oriented line of work, my decision to go industrial was certainly a foray into an unchartered territory. but no matter. it was the first company i've ever been interviewed for and a multinational company, no less. never mind if it's a temp position, it's the way of the (corporate) world nowadays anyway. i was thinking.. it was my 1st job and, hey, i was positively thrilled at the prospect of gaining actual work experience. but more than that, i was determined to make it work (greenhorn that i was).



for a while there, my lifestyle underwent some alterations. i'm not talking about a 360 degree turnaround, just somewhere between 90 and 180 perhaps? (",) well, first, i'm not really what you would call a "morning person." i've no problem with all-nighters (or early dawn-ers), just don't let me wake up at an ungodly hour. it just reeked freakishly of pre-college days. then it was the cold. the temperature was just unbelievably freezing in my area. there were times that my teeth would really chatter and i could feel the cold seeping through my bones. no joke. you know, i love the color purple, but certainly not when it's my lips and my fingers we're talking about. *brrr* i had the sniffles (on and off) for about 2 months, i think. needless to say, while i have high tolerance for heat, i had second to none when it comes to chilly atmosphere (thank god for turtlenecks and trips to the restroom to warm my hands c/o the dryer). and who would've thought that i'd forget about teevee shows? me, da couch potato?! hehe, but it was true. by the time i get home (whether straight from the office or from somewhere else), i was usually so pooped that, after dinner, i'd fall asleep way before my usual dozing time. nonetheless, it was a good kind of stress. less than a month and i fell right into the pattern without even noticing it. those were the good times.



let's skip right over the juicy stuff and fast forward to 8 months later.



do i miss it? hmmm. a month ago, i would've merely shrugged in response. it was too soon to know what i would eventually miss. then came the "withdrawal symptoms." days after, to my annoyance, i still kept waking up @ 5:30. dime the body clock. there were times when i had the urge to call, just to say hi or ask how things are doing. but i couldn't bring myself to do it. heck, "bad break-up" just sprang to my mind. lolx.



when i've had all the sleep i've been meaning to catch up on, i started feeling antsy, and it was like my body craved the activity. i usually have high stress levels (even as far back as my memory can take me) so this sudden drop in "pressure" was a bit of a shock to my system. whereas i had almost no "me time" before, now there was so much time in my hands that i didn't know exactly what to do with it. i miss the clockwork routine, after all.



more than that, i miss doing "something," being part (albeit a small one) of an organization much larger than that of the microcosm i move around in. knowing that the ripples you make won't just be a stone's throw away.



and then there's those other things.



like the banter. the "good mornings" and the "buhbyes." the uber archaic bundy clock (na parating advanced yung time compared dun sa clock ng guardhaus). the endless "toot-ing" of the proximity card.



reaching for the phone and saying "HR, good morning." knowing who was walking by just by the sound of their footfall or seeing the top of their heads. seeing your favorite food on the menu (crabmeat! veggie tempura!). having the canteen people know if you're a half-rice person or not (even if they don't really know your name). curbing the urge to strangle your printer when it's not in a "cooperative" mood. getting stressed out but still being able to laugh at your own booboos. recognizing which ringtone belongs to whom.



when merienda time with the gurls isn't just about having your fill of late afternoon nourishment. when it dawns on you that your fingers know which extension number to dial even before your mind gets to process the info. when you've come to know the quirks of the ppl you directly work with (isipin ko pa if i'm gonna make a separate entry about this.. hehehe *wicked grin*). when you realize that you miss seeing the people who became a part of your life for the most part of your waking hours - which is nine hours a day, five times a week - for eight months.



oh and yeah, even seeing my perpetually misspelled name on inter-office emails. ^,^



c'est la vie



people come and go into our lives. i know that in time, there'll be other faces to see, more names to remember, and more memories to store. it's rather sad when you think about it but it seems like even people have become as replaceable as your day-to-day commodities. even memories aren't sacred anymore. they corrupt over time, eventually disintegrating into fragments, before eventually vaporizing into thin air. i guess i just wanted to hold on to these memories a little longer, while i still can. so that apart from the hassles, i would know that I did have those fond moments I could smile about.



in a year or two, i probably wouldn't be able to recapture these moments with such clarity anymore. even now, the time interval feels much longer than what has actually come to pass. eventually, it will be like one of those moments... when you can't remember the name of your best bud back in pre-school... or the name of that teacher who terrorized you in elementary... or the bedimpled cutie you and your high school friends practically "stalked"... or the lyrics of that rap song you oh-so-painstakingly memorized just a year ago. yeah, time does that. and more.